Last’s Lost It

So we’ve been sort of on hold for a while. Last has been keeping us in the dark, with just an occasional nod and wink and statement that he’s working on something big. So I’ve been playing board games with Phones and hanging out with Maggie. I guess Last’s insisting we’re dating now (not happy about that), but I wouldn’t call it that. I’m not going to say we won’t end up dating, but I don’t think we are right now.

He disappeared for a few days recently. Now, however, he’s returned, cackling madly.

“Everyone!” he announced. “Operation Alice was a huge success!”

“What happened?” I asked.

“It’s a surprise! You’ll have to read about it on my blog. C’mon, everyone of legal drinking age, we’re gonna celebrate tonight!”

“You don’t have a blog!” I called after him as he danced (not a metaphor—he was literally dancing) up the stairs.

“I meant your blog, obviously!”

I kind of slunk off to my room for the night, since I knew Last wasn’t going to give me any answers and, well, I’m still only 19 and I didn’t really want to be one of the only sober people in the room. I’m sure Last would have let me drink with them, and it’s not like I never tried alcohol in high school, but…I don’t know. It’d be weird drinking with these people. I’m not actually friends with most of them.

I guess that was a bad idea, since I ended up having another dream. One of those Cold Boy/Wooden Girl/Grotesque dreams. The details aren’t important, and I don’t remember them now, but it was a knock that woke me up and saved me from a potential dream death.

“Kenny? You okay in there?”

I went to the door and opened it to find Maggie, dressed in just an oversized t-shirt.

“What time is it?” was the question I finally decided on.

“I dunno, about 2 AM, I think? You okay? Sounded like you were having a bad dream.”

“Uh, yeah. It was, um…one of those. So thanks. Uh…what are you doing up?”

“Got thirsty. That and apparently it’s supposed to prevent hangovers or something.”

“Oh. Are you…drunk right now?”

“Hmm. Not sure.” She thoughtfully poked her cheek a few times. “Well that’s not doing anything for me. Guess I’m either just tired or a little tipsy. Can I come in?”

“I guess.”

She sat down in my desk chair and swiveled it back and forth. I sat down on my bed. “I thought you weren’t having these dreams anymore,” she said.

“Not very often. I have one every now and then, but…not like tonight.”

“You’d think the party Last threw would have helped with that some.”

“I don’t know. I don’t think so, really. I mean, you guys aren’t really my friends—”

“None taken.”

“—so it’s not like I really feel comfortable around all of you. I just feel…a bit on the outside, you know?”

“I think it goes deeper than that. You have problems trusting people, Kenny. When you’re alone, you see enemies everywhere, and when you trust people as allies, you don’t trust yourself. And I guess we’re kind of to blame for that.”

“That’s still only part of it, though. With the Cold Boy and Wooden Girl working together like this…I think the Wooden Girl might really be after me too. For her own reasons. I just…I don’t feel like I’m in control anymore. I’m supposed to be some sort of hero, but Last’s the one with the plan. And I just…do what he says. Because yeah, killing the Fears is probably a good idea, but what if I don’t want to be the one who has to do that? And what if I leave? What does Last do then?”

“Rock and a hard place,” she said, nodding. “Listen, Kenny…do you trust me?”

“I…I guess. Mostly, at least.”

“Good. Because the Masks? We’ve all got your back. And as long as you trust me, or Crimson, or even Phones, I guess, you should be able to rest easy knowing we’ve got your back. And hey, if you ever feel the need to take off, seize control of your own destiny or whatever—I’ll have your back then, too. We’re friends, if nothing else. That make it better?”

“I…guess, maybe…?”

“Of course it doesn’t. It’s a promise that’s a drop of piss in an ocean. But I hope it at least helps. Think you’ll at least be able to get back to sleep?”

I sighed. “I don’t know. I think I might.”

There was a pause.

“You’re still scared, aren’t you?”

“Yeah.”

She sighed. “Here, scoot over.”

“What?”

“I’ll keep an eye on you. Make sure you’re not going cold.”

“Are you sure…I mean…is this appropriate?”

“Oh madre de dios, Kenny. It’s not like I’m naked under this.”

“Yeah, but—”

She snuggled up to me, and…I don’t know. I couldn’t really complain. I thought it’d make me feel uncomfortable, but it actually really helped me calm down. After the chilling (like, literally chilling) dream, her skin felt really warm. “Just shut up and let me have this much, okay Kenny?”

For the record, I slept fine for the rest of that night.

Dates and Updates

Last again.

We’re all on a bit of vacation at the moment. By which I mean everyone but Crimson and me are on vacation, but even we’re not doing too much. We would be doing a TON of dirty work at the moment, but the Magi are very useful allies to have. All the plans we had are being accomplished a lot more efficiently at a much lower risk to us.

Crimson and I have been hammering down our course of action, and I think we’ve got a good idea of what the plan of attack is now. With the help of EAT, we’re setting our next plan into motion, but also setting a really big plan a few plans from now into motion as well. Operation Alice, a name I just now made up, comes first, but “The Plan” is in motion. Well, not the “The Plan,” but a really big, really important move.

I need to start coming up with better names to call things. I sound like an ass over here.

Anyway, despite Kenny’s whining over the Waif-chan incident, he’s bounced back well enough. In fact, he’s actually out on a date with Magpie as we speak. Well, what Magpie and I consider to be a date, at least. Kenny will insist he’s just engaging in extracurricular activities with a person who happens to be a friend. I’m not sure he understands that that’s kind of what a date is. But hey, good for them. Make sure to congratulate Kenny for finally getting around to dating a chick who isn’t dead.

That’s all for the moment, really. Just to let those of you still invested in the people killing off the beings making your lives a living hell know what we’ve been up to.

-Last

Hmm.  I should maybe try a different font or color next time just to separate my posts from Kenny’s. Oh well. Too lazy to bother with doing it this time.

I’m Back

Hey, everyone. It’s Kenny again. And I’m…more than a little embarrassed.

It turns out that Waif-chan was the Unnamed Child. And I hadn’t even stopped to consider that possibility.

Last wasn’t happy. He’s barely spoken to me since he killed her. It’s not even like he’s mad at me. He’s mad at Crimson and Gabe. He says they should have known better. With me, he just seems…disappointed. And I think I know why. He’s worried that this might mean I can’t be this “Hero” he’s looking for.

I never asked for this, though. I never asked to be roped into a war against the Fears. I just wanted to survive. It was easier when I didn’t have people counting on me or expecting anything from me other than trying to save my own skin. I’d be angry at Last for being disappointed in me, if it weren’t for the fact that…I actually feel legitimately disappointed in myself.

“I don’t know why it bothers me,” I told Phones the other day as we played a game of chess.  He tapped the table once to let me know he had me in check. “I don’t want to do this, but…I feel like I have to, you know? It’s tough.” He never listens, but that’s maybe why I enjoy talking to him. It’s just easier to get my thoughts out that way, even if he can’t hear what I’m saying.

And that’s where I am right now. Hating myself. Hating Last. Unsure of what to do or where to go.

The Unnamed Child

Last of the Last here again to fill you in on what’s happened.

So when we struck, we struck quickly.

I took Wraith aside, talked to him, and explained the situation. He actually said he was disappointed in himself for not catching it on his own. I have to admit that I wanted to be disappointed in him too, but the nameless kid’s good at working on people subtly.

We knew Gabe would be the biggest obstacle, which is why we decided to cuff him to his bed while he slept. And also yoink his meat hammers and lock him in his room. Problem solved!

The problem was keeping Magpie, Fang, Mantis, and Phones out of the way. We really didn’t have anything planned, so I couldn’t come up with a very good pretext to send them off on any sort of mission. Eventually I just decided on sending Magpie and Fang off on a food run and hoping for the best with Mantis and Phones.

Phones was easy. He had locked himself up in his room anyway. I tried persuading Mantis before we launched our assault. I explained as simply and directly as I could that Waif-chan was actually the unnamed child and that we were going to pop her ass. He smiled and nodded as if he got what we were saying.

So we went ahead and launched our attack on Kenny and Crimson. I could go into details, but the long and short of it was that we kicked their asses pretty easily.

And then Mantis started kicking ours. It turns out that we overlooked the fact that “hey, we’re going to beat this little girl’s ass” doesn’t translate to “we’re going to beat up two of our own.” So Mantis had no clue what was going on and it’s kind of hard to explain to someone who barely speaks English that no, really, there’s a totally good reason for it while they’re in the middle of going Jackie Chan on you. And Reaper, Wraith and I don’t exactly have a ton of hand-to-hand combat skill.

“I’ll hold him off,” Black said. “Reaper and Wraith have Crimson and Kenny.  We can manage between the three of us. Just kill that fuckin’ kid, okay?”

I ran for the room where Waif-chan was staying. If I could just get in there and end it quickly….

But of course it wasn’t that easy, because Gabe is a bear, and the bed and door were wooden. He snapped off the part of the bed he was cuffed to and broke the door off the hinges, just in to see me heading for the Unnamed Child’s room.

“I’ll kill you,” he growled.

“Gabe, listen! She’s the Unnamed Child! She’s a Fear, Gabe! Please, just think for a second—”

Even without the hammers, Gabe hits really hard. A single solid punch to the gut brought me to the ground. It was Phones who saved me. In a fight to the death, Gabe probably would have come out on top. Gabe is slow, but he’s strong and sturdy. But I didn’t need a hard hitter. I needed someone quick, who could distract Gabe long enough without taking a hit.

As Gabe recovered from Phones’ initial blow, Phones looked at me and pointed towards the Unnamed Child’s room. So apparently he knew exactly what was happening the whole time. Phones, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry I doubted you.

Waif-chan looked up as I entered.  She smiled at me, her facial features just a bit off. The face of an adult on the body of a child, maybe. Though even that’s not quite right. Her mouth was a bit too wide. The eyes a bit big, the nose a bit flat, the teeth just a little too sharp. It was almost as if she had the facial features of a cartoon, but on a real, living being, making the whole appearance a bit surreal.

“You’ve made it this far,” she said, smiling. “What now, though? Do you really think you can kill me?”  I pulled a gun on her. She laughed. “Don’t be stupid. You can’t hurt me with that.”

“Oh, no, of course not. I mean, you’re kind of an abstract concept. Maybe you guys can kill each other if you try hard enough, but this? I know I’ve got no chance of killing you with something like a gun. But here’s the thing: I know people. I’ve got contacts in high places. Very high places. There are even some Fears I’ve had some dealings with. One in particular I’ve been a…regular customer of, shall we say? Tall, cloaked, sort of a bookish fellow?”

She frowned. “I don’t see how that helps you.”

I kept the gun leveled. “You’re the Unnamed Child. But really, that’s only a title, isn’t it? You’re abstract, and that gives you power. But you’re also tangible, meaning that you really, in some sense, exist. And that’s your weakness. Because everything that exists is something. Means something. And when one is dealing with something who knows what that something is….”  I grinned in satisfaction as her saucer-like eyes widened even further. “That’s right. This gun? This can’t hurt you. But this can.”

“No,” she said, her voice a hoarse whisper.

Fun fact about the word “unnamed.” It doesn’t quite mean the same thing as “nameless.” Names are powerful things. And even the Unnamed child has one.

I spoke it aloud.

Naming her was all it took. All the power went from her. Immediately, I heard the scuffle outside the door cease. She looked at me, no longer a Fear. Just a little girl wearing the wrong face.

I pulled the trigger.

Two down.

Balancing the Scales

The bad news is that Kenny, Crimson, and Gabe are all still taken in by Waif-chan.  The good news is that Reaper, Boston Black, and myself can all clearly see that she’s the Unnamed Child, just  because we have one very important trait in common: we fucking hate kids.

This means that Wraith, Maggie, Mantis, and Fang are all kind of confused (leaving Phones as a wild card since I’m not sure how much he even notices what’s going on around him). This basically means that they can’t see that Waif-chan is a Fear and might have trouble believing it, but they still feel comfortable around her. She’s a subtle little bitch, and that’s what’s making it hard to see which way any of the Masks will tip. Two I can trust. Three I can’t. And that still leaves about half of us completely unaccounted for.

Mantis is the one of those I’m most worried about since he barely speaks English, but everyone speaks cute adorable little kid. She can put up a much more winning argument, since the shy smiles she gives him may very well look like sunshine and rainbows instead of uncanny valley. Wraith is probably going to be easiest to convince, since I think he’s genuinely pretty apathetic towards her. No bias. I can work with that. And Maggie…I dunno. She’s a girl. Maybe she likes kids because she wants them or something? Maybe she hates them actually? Fuck, I don’t know how girl hormones work. Might be worth a shot, but I have no clue what I could predict with her.

Okay. I’ve got a plan. I know what to do. Killing her’s going to be the easy part, since I’m pretty sure I know how to do that.

It’s making sure that we don’t kill each other that’s going to be the hard part.

Waif-chan

Hey, everyone. Last here. Kenny’s not going to be using this blog for a bit because he’s currently being a fucking idiot.

So it turns out that announcing your targets on your blog can totally backfire. We had expected some of this, but we have…a few workarounds for the problem. Mostly. It can be good to bait Fears out. Misdirect. Et cetera. But sometimes it really doesn’t work out.

Gabe brought one of his daughter’s friends along the other day. She’s apparently having some issues with an abusive family, and she’s been scared to go home. So Gabe’s temporarily taking her in.

As you might have guessed, this girl’s story is complete bullshit because she’s actually the Unnamed Child. She’s apparently decided to infiltrate our group.

She’s currently going by “Alice,” I guess. Alice Doe. If you need to give a name to blend in, you might as well choose one of the most stock names you can find. Kenny, meanwhile, has jokingly taken to calling her “Waif-chan,” idiotically removing the blatantly fake name she gave us and making her more “unnamed.” Still, she kind of is a waif, so the name’s accurate. And it’s stuck. So I guess she’s Waif-chan now.

As you may have guessed, he and Gabe, along with Crimson, are all completely taken in by Waif-chan, to the point where she’s staying in the base with us. Some of the rest of us are a bit ambivalent towards her. And she completely unnerves some of us. I saw through what she was immediately, obviously, so she completely repulses me.

I’m working on distracting everybody. Making the situation obvious. But Kenny, Crimson, and Gabe aren’t going to accept it nearly as easily. She’s got them in the palm of her hand. Kenny, timid little pacifist he is, would kill all of us to protect her. Same goes for the other two.

The good news is that, assuming no one else gets completely taken in, we could probably overpower Kenny and Crimson no problem. The bad news is that Gabe is a powerhouse, and being a single dad for years means he’s already got these inclinations. If things go bad, he will stop at nothing to protect her, and it could easily come down to a kill-or-be-killed scenario, and I can’t spare anyone at the moment.

So I’m keeping everyone busy and away from this blog as I figure out a way to break this fucking Mexican standoff the stupid kid’s forced us into. She’s a clever little shit to use her power like this; I’ll give her that.

I just hope everyone else comes to their senses quickly enough.

The Past Month, Part 2

More of what I’ve been up to lately.

Crimson’s Story

Crimson’s become a pretty good friend. I felt a bit awkward around him after I found out he was gay, I guess, but I’m getting better at it. I finally decided to ask him about his story.

“So, I mean…what’s it like, exactly? You know, being, um…?”

“Being gay?” He laughed. “Well, it’s a lot like being straight, only I’m attracted to guys instead of girls.”

My face got really hot then and I looked away. He laughed harder.

“I’m sorry, Kenny, that was maybe a little rude. In reality, it’s…it’s pretty tough. For me at least. You grew up in a small town, right?”

I nodded. “Well, not that small, but not big.”

“Then you can kind of see where I’m coming from, since I grew up in a small town, too. Homosexuality just…really doesn’t touch those places a lot. Most everyone was religion and homophobic, but…it’s a weird situation. I mean, I really did love that town and most everyone there. I sometimes think “how could such loving people be so hateful?” And the thing is…I don’t think any of them even know what they believe about homosexuality. They hear ‘being gay is wrong. Being gay is a sin.’ And they just accept that. They don’t know anyone who’s gay. They don’t have any reason to challenge that belief. Being gay is just something that happens to other people. Other people they can look look at shamefully from afar.”

“So…how did they react when you came out?” I asked.

“You know…I never did. I really wish I had so that I knew. I took off as soon as I got to college. Didn’t look back. I talk to my parents every now and then, and come home for holidays when I can, but they still don’t know I’m gay. Every time I think of them, I wonder: should I tell them? Would they still love me, or would they disown me? Would my community have changed their perspective and accepted who I was? Or did I make the right choice by keeping it to myself?”

“So…is that why the Red Cap is after you?”

He gave a wry little smile. “What do you think? If you spend almost your entire life repressing part of who you are because you’re scared of what others would think? Sometimes it’s still hard to admit to myself. Sometimes I still think ‘what if I’m wrong? What if it’s just some phase?’ And I think I’m always going to feel some sort of shame over who I am, despite my best efforts.”

Cards with Phones

I was up late one night, unable to sleep, wandering around the building we’re staying in when I found Phones sitting at a table alone, playing a game of Solitaire. His face was hidden in the darkness of his oversized hood like it always was, but he apparently saw me, because he beckoned me over. I tried asking him what was up, but he just shook his head and tapped the side of his head, his finger clacking audibly against his headphones. I guess he couldn’t have heard me anyway. Then again, he probably didn’t want to. I guess the music is the only thing that keeps the Choir at bay for him. I remember when I was traveling with Wayward, she would only listen to white noise. I wonder why it’s different for Phones. Last says it’s because of dimensional bleeding. Different Choir. Different MO.

Anyway, he scooped up the cards and started dealing them out. He kept his head ducked so that I couldn’t see under his hood. I wonder why he’s so dedicated to staying anonymous like that. I started to pick them up, but he placed his gloved hand over my own and shook his head, stopping me. After he dealt the cards into two even stacks, he flipped a card over on each. Three of clubs for him, Ace of spades for me. He gave a sharp exhale and shoved the card at me, flipping two more. It wasn’t long before I realized he was trying to play War with me.

I think we ended up playing for two hours straight before I beat him. At that point, he stood, shoved a hand into his hoodie’s pocket, and gave me a thumbs-up with the other one. Then he walked off, offhandedly waving goodnight to me.

I think he really appreciated it. He can’t really read or play video games or watch movies or anything that requires reading text or listening to voices, so he doesn’t have many options. Simple games that everyone already knows. Sketching. I don’t know.

Maybe I’ll play a game with him again at some point.

The Fantasy Triad

Last’s making sure that the Cold Boy, Wooden Girl, and Grotesque don’t try killing me in my sleep again. He’s been the one keeping watch most frequently, with Mantis and Gabe filling in—those two because, frankly, they’re the only ones willing to do so who I feel comfortable enough letting them watch me sleep.

Like you might have gathered, I’m still having some issues sleeping. They still show up sometimes. Not as often, but one of those three guys has shaken me awake in the night more than once. Sometimes I remember seeing them in the dreams. Sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I remember dreaming, but only vaguely remember things that might be related to the Triad. Last says that it’s because they’re getting better at hiding their presence. They’re trying less overt strategies. Fortunately, since I’m prepared, my subconscious is also detecting these anomalies pretty quickly. He thinks that, were it just the Grotesque, I’d be in trouble. The Grotesque can disguise itself in dreams perfectly. It’s the Cold Boy and the Wooden Girl who are actually becoming their own undoing by taking on an aggressive role. Either way, Last says that I’m making an impressive amount of progress in terms of dream-based mental defenses and even thinks I might manage to shake myself awake in the future.

Maggie

And then there’s what’s been going on with Maggie. We’ve finally had enough time to sit down and talk about things some.

“Look,” she said, “I’m going to be frank. I know you still love Lily. I know that, deep down, you’re always going to love Lily. And I don’t want to replace her. I just…you’re a really great guy, Kenny. I don’t want you to be stuck like this. Whether or not we, you know, have a chance together I don’t want to see you dwelling on the past like you are. It’s not healthy.”

“Yeah. I know.” It was weird talking to her about this stuff. She’s normally so upbeat and carefree about everything. But she was acting so…timid. Subdued. Scared, even. Scared of what I might say or do.

She was quiet for a while. “Kenny? Do you like me? And I don’t mean, you know…’do you want to start up some sort of relationship?’ I just mean…do you like me?”

“Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I?”

“I dunno. Because I’m annoying? Because I don’t shut up? Because I’m trying to force you to move on? Or, you know, because of that time I tried to kill you?”

“Well, you’re also easy to talk to. You’re always positive. You’ve got that memory thing going on, which is really cool. And you, uh…didn’t kill me. You weren’t seriously trying, were you?”

She grinned then, and she looked more like herself. “A little. If I’d been able to kill you, you wouldn’t really be worth liking, now would you?”

I grinned back and shoved her. “Hey, shut up!”

“It’s true. No bigger turnoff than a guy who lets you kill him on the first date.”

We joked and laughed like that a bit. “You know…I’m not mad at you for trying to get me to move on,” I told her, serious again. “It’s hard, but…I know I should. Drilling that through my head is more than anyone else is bothering to do for me.”

“Last’s training you to kill Fears.”

“Well, yeah, but…I honestly think this means more. Having Last force me into some scheme isn’t exactly making me a better person. But this? This helps. Gives me the chance to be a happier person. It’s just…the process is going to be hard.”

She put an arm around my shoulder. “Listen, bud. No matter what, I’m here for you, okay? I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, but it’s not like I’ve got a lot of friends here. And you and Crimson are the closest I’ve got to fellow girls.”

“Hey!”

“Just calling them like I see ‘em, Kenny. But seriously. If you ever just need to talk, I’m here for you.”

“Yeah, but you have, you know, ulterior motives, don’t you?”

“Well yeah, no shit. Not gonna lie, you getting over Lily is a potentially good thing for me. But I’m not going to jeopardize one of my closest friendships for that.” She gave me a smile. “Seriously, Kenny.”

 

So that’s where things stand here from now on. Last says that he thinks that the Unnamed Child is a good course of action and thanks you guys for your suggestions. Also, if you’re wanting to help out at all, shoot me an e-mail (since Last’s hijacked mine for business purposes—not that I was using it for all that much anyway).

Stay safe, all.

Never quit.